


What It Takes To Be Happy

by RensSaxophone



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24686371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RensSaxophone/pseuds/RensSaxophone
Summary: an angst to fluff fic
Relationships: Ichinose Tokiya/Kurosaki Ranmaru
Kudos: 7





	What It Takes To Be Happy

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a comic that had this basic premise in it, though I wasn't able to find the comic when I looked for it again ;;;

Tokiya wasn’t sure what he was. 

Tokiya knew he wasn’t human, because he never aged. He was _very_ old. Old enough that he couldn’t recall the earliest years of his life- likely missing hundreds of years of memories. 

For a long time, Tokiya didn’t understand the power he had. And then, it finally hit him, fairly early on his life. He hardly even remembers the human that he had befriended all of that time back, but he does remember finally making the realization when he had sat down to comfort them, and had _noticed_ the switch. 

Negativity had always really affected Tokiya. He often felt miserable, and sad- and that’s usually when he’s in public. But when he had placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder he had felt the tell tale heavy sadness course through him, and he noticed that same, upset expression fade quickly from his friend’s face. 

He still wasn’t sure what he was. But as he continued to live and live and _outlive_ anyone he ever got close to, he realizes that he was _very_ alone.

By the time he met Ranmaru- he hardly ever left his house. The negativity was always so overwhelming. It always eventually faded, but he was so fast to pick it back up, as soon as he went outside. And some humans even recognized him- Tokiya was _loved_ because they realized how much better they felt when they were around him. Unfortunately, no one really payed much attention to how Tokiya’s shoulders slumped or his eyes became dull as their faces lit up and their shoulders raised. 

Humans could be very selfish.

But Tokiya was surprised, when he had walked by a man who was clearly in a miserable mood, and nothing happened. The man’s expression didn’t change from his scowl, but Tokiya was the only one to turn around, to watch and wonder why Tokiya hadn’t helped him. 

So the next time Tokiya sees the man, Tokiya stops in front of him. The man’s scowl deepens. 

“What do y’want?” Tokiya finds himself stopped by the man’s booming voice. His eyes are just a bit too wide, but he tries to gather himself quickly, offering his hand for the man to shake. 

Tokiya smiles. It’s small- the most he typically manages. He’s truthfully begun to grow to hate his “job”. It wasn’t that he minded helping, but he had a small cult, because of his powers- which wasn’t what he wanted but he still didn’t feel right, ignoring the people that claimed to need him. So he sucked up his own misery to take on theirs. “Hello. I noticed you a few days ago. I’ve been living here for a very long time, but I’ve yet to meet you, so I wanted to introduce myself. I’m Tokiya.”

The man just stares at Tokiya’s outstretched hand, and he then clicks his tongue, pushing past Tokiya. He knocks Tokiya’s hand away when he brushes past it- but Tokiya freezes. 

Tokiya can’t stop himself from reaching out, to grab onto the man’s arm. The man knocks his hand off fairly quickly, his eyes narrowing, but he stops to turn to Tokiya. For the first time ever, a light feeling fills Tokiya’s chest- but that isn’t what gets Tokiya’s attention. There’s a child like expression on Tokiya’s face when he speaks, his voice an awed hush. “Are you like me?”

That seems to take the man off guard. “Huh?”

Tokiya’s face twists, unsure, and then almost desperate. “Please tell me your name.”

The man’s eyebrow raises, and then he clicks his tongue again. “Ranmaru.”

Tokiya stares at him, with a doe-eyed look, no longer sure what to say. He watches Ranmaru leave, with a silent look- though Tokiya’s shoulders drop, just a bit, when Ranmaru is gone. 

Tokiya wasn’t used to feeling his own sadness- of course it was there… but it was different. And his loneliness only felt worse, when he didn’t have as much of everyone else’s misery. But Tokiya had never met anyone that had helped with the heavy layer of everyone else’s sadness- and the thought that maybe there was someone like him gave him hope. 

Tokiya spends the next year, approaching the man when he sees him. It’s difficult, waiting for him, because Tokiya absorbs any and all negativity like a sponge- but not Ranmaru’s. Ranmaru always looks so sour, every time Tokiya talks to him. For a good half of a year, Ranmaru is always scowling. His expression eventually softens, when Tokiya comes up to him, but that took work, and Tokiya knew that he wasn’t taking any of Ranmaru’s negativity. 

And it wasn’t from lack of trying. 

For the first half of the year, it was Tokiya, trying to get closer to Ranmaru. To get their arms to brush, or to casually brush a hand over Ranmaru’s shoulder, or his back. To try to stand near him. 

But Tokiya eventually stopped, because he _couldn’t_ help Ranmaru. When Tokiya neared Ranmaru, _Tokiya_ felt better. So towards the last half of the year, Tokiya stopped. 

“You’re actin’ weird.” Ranmaru comments gruffly, when Tokiya doesn’t try to not-so-subtly press against Ranmaru. “What’s goin’ on?”

Tokiya sighs, frowning. “You always seem so… upset. I’ve been trying to help with that- but I can’t. It doesn’t work.”

“‘N you finally gave up?”

“I had to.” Tokiya huffs. “Because it’s having the opposite effect. You have to realize it.”

“‘S hard ‘t tell.” 

“Because you’re already upset.” Tokiya sighs. “I want to help. I just don’t know how.”

“Y’don’t need to. ‘N it’s not like I could tell ya how, anyways. But if it’s makin’ you feel better, why stop now?”

“Because that’s not the _point_! I’m trying to help make you feel _better_. Not worse.”

Unfortunately, from then on, _Ranmaru_ switches Tokiya’s place. Tokiya no longer tries to get close to Ranmaru- but he notices that Ranmaru starts closing the gaps between them, and walking far too close. He notices Ranmaru not-so-subtly clapping a hand onto Tokiya’s shoulder, or nudging Tokiya’s arm, a bit more insistently than he needs to. 

He was doing exactly what Tokiya had been trying to do to _him_. Except it worked, when Ranmaru tried it. 

By the end of the first year they were friends. 

It took almost five years before they became more. 

Tokiya winces, when he thinks about how he had tried to ask Ranmaru out. 

_”I’d… like to spend more time with you.” Tokiya’s face was red._

_“What d’ya mean **more**? We already spend most of our time together.”_

_“Not… Not… **that** kind of time. I mean… more… intimate time?” Tokiya does not, for one second, believe Ranmaru’s ‘playing dumb’ act. He knows that Ranmaru knows very well that Tokiya is trying to ask him out._

_Ranmaru snorts. “Intimate time, huh?”_

_“Ranmaru.” Tokiya’s head falls back. “Please take pity on me.”_

_Ranmaru grins- a sight that Tokiya almost never sees. It doesn’t seem to come easy to Ranmaru, but Tokiya enjoys it when it does. “Yes, Toki. I’ll go out with ya.”_

Tokiya realizes, less than a year in, that he can’t kiss Ranmaru- and he doesn’t. 

He hadn’t realized how little of his negativity crept through in casual touches- but when they had kissed, Tokiya had felt over the moon. He had never felt as light as he had that day- but it had taken him a much longer time to finally _see_ the strain hidden beneath Ranmaru’s expression, when he’d kiss Tokiya. 

And now, nearly two hundred years of being together, Tokiya hasn’t let Ranmaru kiss him in almost the entirety of their relationship. And it wasn’t necessarily from lack of trying- but Tokiya would stop Ranmaru, if Ranmaru tried to kiss him while Tokiya was upset. But Tokiya very rarely spent long periods of time when he wasn’t around people, so he was almost always miserable. He’d like to kiss Ranmaru, to see if he could take some of Ranmaru’s upset- but to Tokiya’s long held chagrin, Ranmaru always seemed to have the upper hand on this. 

The luck of the draw. 

But their home life has fallen into a bit of a pattern- one that both men aren’t completely comfortable with, but they haven’t changed it yet. 

Tokiya and Ranmaru get to spend mornings together. Ranmaru likes cooking, so he often cooks for the both of them. After they eat, the knocks typically start. 

Tokiya is well known. If anyone has a bad day, or is more upset than they’d like to be, they stop by Tokiya’s house. Tokiya always answered the door- he’d always help, no matter who asked. No matter how that person had treated him previously, because they were asking for help and Tokiya could help them. Normally, Ranmaru sat, just barely in view of the door, though his expression remained dark and angry in the hours that people dropped by their home. Ranmaru often suggests to Tokiya that they leave- to stop people from using Tokiya, but Tokiya always insists that he wasn’t being used. 

He and Ranmaru had spoken multiple times, about what they are. Neither man is really sure- but their views on what is expected of them are very different. 

Tokiya believes that they’re meant to be miserable. That they had gotten the worst hand they could have gotten- but if it was this easy to help, clearly they were meant to. Tokiya wasn’t sure what would happen, if he didn’t take in the misery of others. To him, or to them. 

Ranmaru hated that view. Ranmaru was insistent that anyone that comes to the door, begging Tokiya to steal their bad mood, didn’t deserve it. That they shouldn’t _have_ to deal with any upset that wasn’t their own.

_”If you’re so adamant that we shouldn’t be helping **anyone** , then why are you so insistent on taking **my** misery?”_

_“You pull yourself too fuckin’ thin, Toki. ‘Sides. You’re missin’ my point. I actually give a shit about you- I don’t want you miserable, because I don’t want **you** to be upset. If I can take on somethin’ fer you, ‘specially when you’re tryin’ ‘t take in so much, then I will. But you’re not beggin’ me ‘t do it. You don’t only ever talk ‘t me because you want me helpin’ you. You don’t only care about me because I can do somethin’ fer you. They don’t care about **you** , they only care about what you do for ‘em. …’S why I don’t let you take on any ‘a my shit. I can handle it. I’d rather handle it, knowin’ that if I don’t I’m throwing it all on you.”_

_“...You said you **let** me. Why can’t **I** ever stop **you** , if you can stop me?”_

_“‘M older ‘n you, first off. I’m a little better at usin’, ‘r not usin’, this power. ‘N I got tired real fuckin’ fast of bein’ forced to take on everyone’s shit, so I learned how ‘t stop from takin’ it in. ‘Course, I can do it the other way, too. Stop you from takin’ any ‘a my shit.”_

_“That’s not fair.” Tokiya frowns. “I know first-hand how hard it is, taking on so much. **Stealing** that from me isn’t fair at all to you. If you won’t let me take it from you, I wish you’d at least stop taking it from me.”_

_“I’ll stop when you stop lettin’ everyone use you like a fuckin’ problem door mat.”_

_Tokiya falls quiet, his jaw tightening. That was a night he hadn’t let Ranmaru near him, unwilling to let Ranmaru take anything from him. He felt Ranmaru’s eyes on him most of that night._

When the knocks desist, Tokiya usually goes into town. Ranmaru usually joins him, despite how frustrated Ranmaru gets. Tokiya thinks Ranmaru may follow him to watch him- to keep an eye on just how much of the overall negativity that Tokiya soaks up. 

And then, they go to bed. Ranmaru holds Tokiya tightly when they share the bed at night, unless Tokiya’s refusal to share the misery with Ranmaru wins out, because then Tokiya won’t let Ranmaru near him. 

They had gotten into this repetition for quite some time. 

Ranmaru is always frustrated with how willingly Tokiya lets them use him- but Ranmaru had yet to leave, and Tokiya would never push him out. Tokiya knows that Ranmaru cares deeply for him- and Tokiya knows that Ranamru is the only one that does. 

Tokiya loves Ranmaru. That much he was certain of. 

_”Hey, Maru?” Tokiya’s voice is uncertain, nervous. Similar to his awkwardly fumbled confession. Ranmaru’s attention turns to Tokiya, Ranmaru’s mismatched eyes trained on Tokiya’s. “I love you.”_

_It feels vulnerable, and terrifying, and Tokiya doesn’t know how he’d manage if Ranmaru took it poorly- but he doesn’t. Ranmaru’s response is immediate, not playing around with Tokiya the way he had when Tokiya confessed. “Yeah. I love you, too.”_

Tokiya had slowly started to realize that people really did treat him as terribly as Ranmaru said they did. Not everyone, of course- but far too many of them clearly didn’t see him as a _person_. Tokiya was merely an object, designed to help anyone. 

Because Tokiya had been having a rough day already. He was huddled into Ranmaru- because he still wasn’t able to block out the negativity, but he got less of it, because Ranmaru _could_. 

“We should go home.” Ranmaru mutters. “Shouldn’t ‘a let you out today, anyways. We’re fuckin’ lockin’ the door tomorrow.”

There had been a lot of people earlier. More than usual. Tokiya wasn’t sure what had happened- but the increased negativity was really taking its toll on him. But Tokiya was very recognizable, and he feels his wrist being grabbed, the grip painfully tight. Tokiya pulls away from Ranmaru, enough to turn. His expression is childlike- he’s _afraid_. The grip on his wrist was tight enough to really hurt, and he tries to get his hand back, but the man isn’t letting it go. 

Tokiya immediately feels worse- and only part of the rush of upset Tokiya feels is from the man. Most of it is from Tokiya.

“Please let me go.” Tokiya’s voice comes out just a bit shakier than he means for it to. Ranmaru’s attention is on them now, one hand on Tokiya, protectively, and the other gripping the man’s wrist, his voice low and dangerous. 

“If y’know what’s good for you, you’ll keep your fuckin’ hands ‘t yourself.”

The man scoffs, giving Tokiya one last wave of discomfort, before the man finally lets go of Tokiya’s arm. The man doesn’t even give a response once Ranmaru’s finally off of him, but the entitled look that Tokiya gets makes Tokiya think that the man didn’t see anything wrong with his actions. 

When Tokiya pulls his wrist back, it’s bruised. The bruise has started forming already at the crushing grip, and Tokiya imagines that it’s going to be much worse later on. 

Ranmaru looks at the bruise at the same time that Tokiya does, and Ranmaru holds Tokiya tightly to himself. “We’re going home.” Ranmaru’s voice is flat, but it still can’t fully conceal the anger. “If I didn’t have you ‘t worry about, that guy would’a never fuckin’ gotten away with putin’ a hand on you. He fuckin’ shouldn’t. I’ve got half ‘a mind ‘t go find ‘im ‘n give a real fuckin’ repercussion.”

“It’s fine.” Tokiya’s voice is quiet. 

“No! It’s _not_ fucking fine, Tokiya. They’ve been treatin’ you like their fuckin’ pet fer so long that you think it’s okay, but it’s not. It’s absolutely not fuckin’ okay, ‘n I feel sick just lettin’ it happen.”

“It’s not your fault.” Tokiya’s voice is firmer. “Eventually they’ll come around, Maru, I’m sure of it. I’ve had people appreciate my help before.”

“‘N not enough of ‘em are. You’re takin’ on too much, ‘n we need ‘t stop it.”

“I don’t want to stop it. Not everyone is terrible. That man was just an exception.”

Ranmaru clicks his tongue. “‘M puttin’ my foot down ‘ere. Either you drop the city walks ‘r you tell people no house visits. You can’t keep doing both. I really wish you’d go with neither- but I know that’s not how you work.”

“It’s not.” Tokiya says grimly. “If I must choose, then I’d choose house visits. ...Even on a busy day, it’s easier. I don’t mean to pick up as much as I do outside.”

Ranmaru sighs. “We’ll still go outside- but I’ll find us a path where there any people, alright? ‘M not tryin’ ‘t keep you locked in the house.”

“I know.” Tokiya says quietly. “I know you’re just frustrated that I’m not angry about this the way you are. I just… never had the same feelings that you have. I’m used to this, Maru- I never thought it was wrong, until I met you.”

“‘S not in your nature. ‘N it’s unfortunate, but it’s not a good thing. ...Just means that until you can be angry fer yourself, I’m just gonna have ‘t be angry for ya.”

“Something will eventually break.” Tokiya says softly. “Whether it be me or them.”

“...’N I just fuckin’ hope it’s not a giant shit show when it does.”

That night, Tokiya doesn’t get a say, in Ranmaru taking the majority of Tokiya’s negativity. When Tokiya’s own feelings got into the mix, it was hard to convince Ranmaru to let Tokiya keep them to himself. 

That night, Ranmaru had set his knee on the bed, where Tokiya had been sitting, and he had pushed Tokiya down, pinning both of Tokiya’s arms to his side- and he had kissed him. 

Ranmaru had kissed him in a way that they hadn’t kissed in years upon years- a kiss that Tokiya couldn’t quite regret, even though he hated how tired Ranmaru looked when it was done.

“You shouldn’t have.” Tokiya is breathless, but his scolding still comes. Ranmaru shakes his head. 

“ After this, y’had no chance ‘a stoppin’ me.” He admits grimly.

And despite all of it, Ranmaru still makes him sleep pressed up against Ranmaru that night- and the lack of fight Tokiya gives him is because Tokiya isn’t even fully sure that Ranmaru does it for _Tokiya_. 

Ranmaru had seen Tokiya cry before, but that night was for a different reason- Tokiya had roused Ranmaru with his tears, and Ranmaru’s hand moves, up Tokiya’s body until it’s resting on his cheek. Ranmaru’s clearly still mostly asleep, but he tries to calm Tokiya despite it. “Shit…” Ranmaru grumbles. “Did I not take enough from you? Fuck, how bad is it?”

“No-” Tokiya’s word comes out in a hiccup. “It’s not that.” His attempted reassurance still comes quickly. His hand moves, holding onto Ranmaru’s arm. They’re both on their sides that night, Tokiya facing Ranmaru’s chest. Ranmaru’s head is just a bit higher than Tokiya’s, making Ranmaru’s position seem more protective. Sensing that his answer wasn’t making Ranmaru feel any better, Tokiya speaks again. “I just… I know that people are selfish. ...And you know, you’re really selfish, too.” Tokiya sniffs, though he winces when he does. 

“...Huh?”

“...You are.” Tokiya insists, pressing his forehead to Ranmaru’s chest. “But it’s… it’s in a really different way, and that’s what really struck me right now. Because what I do is best for the people. It would be selfish of me, to not want to help them when I can. But it’s selfish of you- to stop me. ...And I-” Tokiya squeezes Ranmaru’s arm tightly. “I don’t think it’s bad. I was… touched. Finally thinking about it.” Tokiya’s voice sounds much weaker now. “That you’re being selfish… _over_ me? For me? ...I’ve never had anyone care this much about me, Maru.”

Ranmaru’s hand finally leaves Tokiya’s cheek, after running his finger along his cheekbone to brush off some of the tears. He moves his hand back to Tokiya’s waist, to pull Tokiya closer. “You’re sweet. But you need someone ‘t worry over you, Toki. I dunno how you even made it as far as you ‘ave.” Tokiya’s hand has fallen from Ranmaru’s arm, and he’s not resting his palm against Ranmaru’s chest. Ranmaru glances down, his expression darkening when he takes in Tokiya’s hand shaped bruise. It _was_ bad- an ugly dark purple, with hints of black. The change of topic isn’t jarring, because Tokiya notices where Ranmaru’s eyes were. “‘M sorry I let anyone get their hands on you.”

“It was so fast.” Tokiya says quietly. “I had barely even realized what was happening, and I was the one he grabbed.”

“How do you do it?” Ranmaru’s jaw tenses. “How ‘r you just _alright_ with people grabbin’ you without your permission?”

“It’s not always like this. ...I don’t really like being touched. I do, when _you_ touch me- but I hate people I don’t know well getting their hands on me. But I can work through it, when they aren’t rough like today.”

“Y’say that- but if I hadn’t ‘a been there, would you have really gotten his hand off ‘a you?”

“...I asked him to stop. I wouldn’t have physically stopped him, though, no.”

“Well it’s not happenin’ again. Y’can tell people ‘t be less pushy, y’know. They’re askin’ this of you. You’re not gettin’ anything from this- so you deserve ‘t at least get ‘t do it your way.”

“...We’ll see.” 

Tokiya can tell that this topic isn’t quite over, but Ranmaru lets it drop for tonight. 

Tokiya’s bruise had just nearly faded when he sees the man again- as a visitor to his own home. Tokiya backs away from the door, when he sees the man, and the man immediately seems to become irritated. Tokiya doesn’t even hear Ranmaru, standing up behind him. 

“I’m sorry.” Tokiya’s voice is firmer than he had any right to hope it would be. He may not have been hurt badly- but to be hurt at all… Tokiya wasn’t used to it, and he was afraid to make it seem alright. “I’d prefer it if you’d leave.”

“Oh, what? I’m not good enough for you?” The man scowls. “It’s stupid of you to even have hours, but I still showed up during them. You’ve got no right to refuse me.”

“‘N you’ve got no right ‘t ask ‘im anything.” Ranmaru scowls. As he passes Tokiya, he gently nudges Tokiya further inside of him, but that’s the last of Ranmaru’s gentleness. As soon as he’s past Tokiya, Ranmaru straightens up, and while Tokiya can’t see his expression, he can only imagine just how intimidating Ranmaru must be. Ranmaru shoves the man outside. 

Tokiya doesn’t exit the house, but he does move, mostly to make sure that Ranmaru doesn’t take anything too far. Ranmaru hits the man, as soon as they’re outside- but when the man takes a few steps back, Ranmaru doesn’t follow. He’s guarding the door. The man does seem to be considering starting a fight with Ranmaru- but he finally spits at Ranmaru’s feet and retreats. 

Tokiya thinks that Ranmaru might have followed the man, if it weren’t for Tokiya. Because when the man is completely gone and Ranmaru finally turns around, he still looks livid. 

Tokiya’s still shaken up, but when Ranmaru is inside, Tokiya closes the door and moves to grab Ranmaru’s forearm, to pull him closer. Tokiya’s free hand moves to Ranmaru’s cheek- but his thanks dies in his throat when he realizes that he’s beginning to feel worse. 

Tokiya can imagine Ranmaru’s anger much easier, now that he’s taking it in, but just the fact that Ranmaru had slipped enough for Tokiya to take it was worrying in itself. When Ranmaru tries to get Tokiya off of him, Tokiya takes a step forward, pressing his forehead to Ranmaru’s. “Tokiya-”

“No.” Tokiya’s voice is firm. “I’m not letting you go until you feel better.”

Tokiya tilts his head, to press a very gentle kiss to Ranmaru’s mouth. It’s a long kiss, and he’s careful with it, keeping it soft and gentle. Tokiya is slow to pull away from it. Tokiya lowers his hand, down Ranmaru’s forearm until he can lace his fingers with Ranmaru’s, to gently pull Ranmaru to the bed. 

Ranmaru finally stops him. “Toki-” His voice is warning. 

Tokiya shakes his head. After taking Ranmaru’s upset- and most of what he could from everything that Ranmaru had taken from him the day before, Tokiya felt absolutely miserable- but he wasn’t willing to let Ranmaru just take it back. “If you lay down with me, I won’t answer the door for the rest of the day.”

Ranmaru narrows his eyes. “Well you’re not answerin’ the door again today anyways. Y’don’t have a very strong negotiation.”

Tokiya huffs, turning to look at Ranmaru as sternly as he can manage. “You always take care of me. This is the first and only time that you’ve ever dropped your guard enough to let me return the favor. If you really won’t let me- I’m not letting you turn the tables on me, Maru. I’ll sleep in the second room if you really won’t let me take care of you.”

The spare room was the only way that Tokiya could really keep Ranmaru from getting his way. He had tried to sleep on the couch at a point before and he had woken up with Ranmaru, lying on the couch with him. The spare room at least had a lock. Ranmaru watches Tokiya closely, but Tokiya can tell that he’s going to win. Tokiya’s reasoning could often fall on deaf ears- but Tokiya knew that, more than anything, Ranmaru didn’t want Tokiya alone right now. Ranmaru’s jaw grits, but he nods. Tokiya squeezes Ranmaru’s hand, and Tokiya manages a small smile. 

Ranmaru’s hand moves to the side of Tokiya’s face, and Tokiya tenses when Ranmaru leans in. Ranmaru’s voice is a mumble, a mere inch away from Tokiya’s lips. “Relax, Toki. You’ve still got the main connection. Even if I wanted ‘t take anythin’ from ya, I couldn’t.” Ranmaru’s free hand lowers itself to Tokiya’s waist, to pull him closer as Ranmaru kisses him. Ranmaru’s kisses are rougher- but Tokiya finds himself responding before he even realizes he is. Ranmaru is frowning when he pulls back. “We’ve gotta figure somethin’ out, Toki.” Ranmaru’s eyebrows are furrowed, and his expression is _sad_. “We can’t do this.”

At first, Tokiya’s wide eyes reflect his horror. “Wait, Maru-” Tokiya’s voice breaks. “You’re not-”

“Hey now. Don’t give me that look.” Ranmaru winces, squeezing Tokiya’s hip. “‘M not askin’ you ‘t break up with me. ‘N I’m not gonna break up with you, either. I wanna fix this- because we’ve got some problems. ...Toki, will y’let go of my hand? I promise I won’t take anythin’ back. I just wanna hold you right.”

Tokiya didn’t feel well at all- so overwhelmed by his own negativity. But there was just a slight release of that pressure, listening to Ranmaru. To how _soft_ Ranmaru could be. Tokiya didn’t get to see it very often, and he never got to see it for very long. Tokiya slowly lets go of Ranmaru’s hand, and Ranmaru pulls Tokiya tightly to himself. Tokiya’s arms wrap around Ranmaru in return, setting his head on Ranmaru’s shoulder. “We’re both so fuckin’ miserable all the time.” Ranmaru mumbles. “‘N I know that you think that’s normal- but I dunno that I agree. We’ve both got the capability of bein’ way happier ‘n we are, y’know. Fuck, Toki, I just wanna be able ‘t fuckin’ _kiss_ you. I want you ‘t stop runnin’ from me. ”

“It’s my fault.” Tokiya’s voice breaks. “All of _your_ negativity comes from me.”

“Then maybe that’s where we start.” Ranmaru mumbles. “Maybe we start by trying to make you a ‘lil happier. We can reach it together, yeah?”

“...If this is what a happier version of you is like, I’d do anything to see more of it.” Tokiya admits, holding himself closer to Ranmaru. Tokiya can tell that Ranmaru doesn’t like letting Tokiya keep all of the misery- but he doesn’t lie to Tokiya. He doesn’t try to take any of it back on. “But let’s talk about this later. You deserve a night where you’re not miserable, Maru. You tell me that I take on too much, but you get it even worse.”

“Yeah, well, I’m better at handelin’ it than you are.”

“And just who’s fault is that? I’m sure I’d handle it better with practice.”

“Sure. But that’s not what I want fer you. I dunno that you’ve ever been happy in your life. I hate the best I can do is _content_ you.”

“Have you? Have you ever been happy, Maru?”

“Now.” There’s a dry tone to his voice. “Right now’s the closest I’ve been. But it’s too bittersweet. ‘S hard ‘t be happy when it’s obvious how miserable you are.” Ranmaru presses his forehead to Tokiya’s, pulling Tokiya closer, his hand flat on Tokiya’s back. “You look terrible, babe. Can’t we split it?” 

“You just said you’re the happiest you’ve been.” Tokiya’s voice trembles. “You, of all people, deserve to enjoy that while you can.”

“I told you.” Ranmaru’s voice is gruff. “I don’t wanna feel fine ‘n watch you suffer.”

“I do.” Tokiya’s voice is barely audible. “That’s what I’ve done for as long as I’ve known you.”

“Then we’ll change that. But let me do this for you, Toki. We can split it. I won’t take on too much, okay?”

“...I want a promise. Before I let you do anything.” Tokiya’s voice is still weak. He’s leaning heavily into Ranmaru’s chest, and without Ranmaru, Tokiya would likely lose his footing. “I… I’d ask you to let me take some of the misery from you, but all of your misery _comes_ from me. I want you to stop trying to take on most of it.”

Ranmaru pauses for a long moment, and then he sighs. “Alright. I’ll try ‘t get better with it.”

“Balance.” Tokiya says quietly. “...Because you’re right. For how long we’ve been together, I hate that I could likely count how many times I’ve kissed you.”

“That’ll be the first thing we change.” Ranmaru promises. He finally pulls back, enough to cradle Tokiya’s cheek with his hand. “...’N I’ll make the first step towards it.” He sighs. “...I’m not gonna promise ‘t ask you every time before I try to help. Because I dunno if I’d always be able to do that. But I’ll promise that I won’t use kissing ‘t do it, alright? Not if I don’t tell ya that I’m gonna. I don’t want you _afraid_ to kiss me.”

“Alright.” Tokiya goes for it quickly. He _wants_ this. As much as it sounds like Ranmaru does, too. 

“Good.” Ranmaru gives Tokiya a short, softer kiss. When he pulls back, it isn’t far. “I’m gonna take some from you, Toki.”

“...Please don’t take a lot, Maru. You do deserve a break.”

“I won’t.” Ranmaru sighs. “I promise.”

Ranmaru’s next kiss is a bit rougher- but Tokiya can actually feel when the kiss is less draining and more of just a kiss.

“Let’s lay down.” Ranmaru mumbles against Tokiya’s lips when he’s finally pulled back. Tokiya nods. Tokiya pulls Ranmaru with him, interlacing their hands once more- though it’s obvious to both of them that neither are trying to siphon the misery off of the other.

“I’m tired, Maru.” Tokiya admits, once they’re laying down. It’s too early to sleep, but Ranmaru often took naps and Tokiya sometimes took them with him. “But I don’t… I don’t feel like we can change things. Like I can.”

“We can.” Ranmaru promises. “It’s not gonna be easy. But just work with me.”

“I’ll do my best.” 

“‘S all I can ask, babe. Now just get some sleep.” 

Tokiya rouses, when the knocking returns, but Ranmaru won’t let Tokiya up to answer it and it eventually dies down.

Tokiya’s home “work” hours cut down further- but the first thing that Tokiya realizes is how much softer Ranmaru usually is, when he’s not taking on all of the negativity in the relationship. Ranmaru’s noticed that the softer he gets, the more Tokiya listens, too. 

And it takes some time, of them sharing the burden, before things start to change. 

_It had started as a goodnight kiss, but when Tokiya had pulled away, Ranmaru had went in for another. Tokiya had pulled back, surprised. He sits up on an elbow, his other hand resting on Ranmaru’s chest. “Ran, wait-” Tokiya’s eyes narrow. “Did you use your power on me?”_

_“Huh?” Ranmaru’s hand moves up, resting on Tokiya’s hand over his chest. “I didn’t.” Ranmaru’s eyebrows furrow. “But honestly I feel kinda weird, too.”_

_Tokiya’s eyes stay narrowed, but there’s less suspicion. “I want to try something.”_

_Tokiya leans down, to kiss Ranmaru. As the kiss progresses, it turns into two, until Tokiya is straddling Ranmaru’s lap, leaning over him, Ranmaru’s hands on Tokiya’s lower back, holding him closer._

_When Tokiya finally pulls away, he sets his hands beside Ranmaru’s head, to get a better look at him. “Are you feeling…”_

_“Lighter?” Ranmaru grins. “‘M guessin’ you are, too?”_

_“I am.” Tokiya smiles back at Ranmaru, and his hand lifts, his fingers brushing over Ranmaru’s jaw. “I’m glad to say that you were both right and wrong. It **wasn’t** the best idea- to take on most of it.” Tokiya definitely isn’t smug. At least not **entirely**. “But I think cutting down on taking everyone’s misery in was… for the best. I… think you’re right. That we don’t have to be miserable. Unless this is a fluke, and we’re not actually helping each other.” Tokiya frowns. _

_“We’ll play it on ear, but in the hundreds ‘a years we’ve known each other, there’s no way this would’a been our first time just accidentally runnin’ across it, if it were just a fluke, babe.” Ranmaru’s grin turns teasing. “Who would’a thought? ‘S probably love, yeah? Kinda cheesy.”_

_Tokiya gives an amused huff, but Ranmaru’s comment does visibly seem to make him happier. “I hope so. I can work with love- cheesy or not.”_

That first time certainly hadn’t been their last, and for the first time ever in Tokiya’s life, he _wasn’t_ always miserable. And Tokiya believed that Ranmaru was feeling the same way. 

And they’d find out that it was any affection. When Tokiya pressed against Ranmaru, on the couch or in the bed, he got a warm, happy buzz. 

“You’re like my battery.” Tokiya teases. “You help me charge.”

Ranmaru snorts. “Cute.” 

“I wonder why this works now.” Tokiya muses. “And not ever before.”

“We were fluctuatin’ so much ‘m not surprised. You maxed yourself out every day, ‘n I took it every night. My best guess is balance.”

Tokiya nods. “Then I suppose it’s a good thing we got balanced then.”

Ranmaru grunts in agreement. 

And then came the day where Tokiya had sat down on the couch, facing Ranmaru, looking just as nervous as both of his confession days. “Maru?” Ranmaru had hummed, watching Tokiya carefully. “...Will you marry me?”  
Ranmaru’s eyebrows shoot up- at first, shocked. And then his expression settles into a wide grin. “I was wonderin’ when you’d ask me that.” 

Tokiya gives a playful huff at Ranmaru’s non-answer, but Ranmaru moves on the couch, to pull Tokiya into a kiss that ends up knocking them backwards on the couch, with Ranmaru over Tokiya. 

“‘Course I’ll marry you.”

Tokiya’s smile widens, slowly becoming a happy, closed-eye grin. “I don’t think you could even imagine how happy that makes me.”

“Trust me, babe. I think I can.” Ranmaru smiles at Tokiya- and it’s soft, and it’s something that Tokiya wishes he could immortalize in his memory forever, and it takes him a very long moment to finally kiss Ranmaru at the expense of losing that expression. 

When Tokiya finally pulls back again, he sighs, closing his eyes. “There’s one other thing.”

Ranmaru hums in acknowledgment, waiting for Tokiya to speak. 

“I think we should move. I think we should go somewhere where there aren’t a lot of people. ...And then maybe, you could help me. To learn how to not just _absorb_ everything- and then maybe we could really… live. We could go out, and just keep to ourselves. No one has to know that we _have_ powers, and we could just… be normal.”

“That sounds like a perfect goal.” Ranmaru’s voice is genuine. “‘N it’d make me feel way better, too. I dunno that I’d say our power in itself is necessarily a shitty thing, Toki, but it’s not good to just use for anyone. ‘N it’s not good to just always fuckin’ brush off your bad feelin’s, either. So I think you’re completely fuckin’ right. ‘N I wouldn’t mind havin’ you all ‘t myself for a while, either.”

Tokiya’s expression turns thoughtful. “What do you think we are, Maru? I’ve never figured it out.”

“Does it matter?” Ranmaru’s eyebrows raise. “‘S far as I’m concerned, we’re just us. ...Quirky, ‘n we live way too damn long- but it doesn’t matter what the fuck we are, yeah? ‘S only important that we do what we can with what we’ve got. ‘N you’re only ever gonna be Toki to me.”

Tokiya hums, and then he gives Ranmaru a soft smile. “Then I suppose that for now, that can be good enough for me, too.”


End file.
